I was asked during the week, 'How is your lemon doing?' Lemon. Singular. Where once hung a beautiful citrus bounty of fish flavouring wonder... there is now only one, effin, lemon, remaining. The others are laying strewn about the little lawn, one possum-sized bite taken from each. Notice I say, one bite from each lemon? Not one lemon wholly consumed and un-missed. Oh no. Bite, yuk, throw, bite, yuk, throw, ... bastards!

However, inspired by this lesson from my masters, I edited the first 15k words of BW1 DN into 13k better ones. It will be ready in July for all my Dear Readers to enjoy. And I'm keeping my singular lemon safe; it may lend zest to the celebrations on ePublishing Day.

Not another effin blog! Well, I didn’t really want to write one either, but the possums made me do it; they are my masters now. They scamper across my tin roof after dark, tapping out Morse code urging me to plant more vegetables (but not to worry about putting onions in because we don’t like them so much) to tie a rope from the tree to the roof to act like a bridge so they can avoid getting their paws dirty on the effin bush turkey poo, and, yes, I was just as surprised as you; start a blog, Rob. Start. A. Blog.

I didn’t argue. I do what they tell me. And this is it. Their blog. They know things and they want me to share this with you; about growing chillies, about Liverpool FC and the offside rule, about Welsh rugby and my tropical building site garden. Oh, and about writing books…