Having promised an insight into my tropical building site garden I thought it about time I shared with you the secrets of cultivating one of your own. Of course, I use the word 'cultivating' quite wrongly.

You're going to need a cement mixer; everything revolves around this, if you'll pardon the pun.  Add to this a strategically inconvenient pile of builders sand insufficiently covered with a holed and garish tarpaulin; allow weeds to grow through - you'll not have a choice. Alongside, proximate enough to mix and spoil, drop recycled chippings. Attempting to wall these 'ball bearings of death' behind planks unsuitable for the job will lend a wonderful, mysterious air to your site.

Scatter an assortment of wood, brick, tile and other plumbing and electrical fittings over poorly laid black weed suppressant matting. Finally, scatter generously with exotic weed seed. Behold.